The Nobodies by Liza Palmer
Author:Liza Palmer
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Flatiron Books
14
The Pumpkin Drop
“Wait, who’s coming to get you?” Billy yells down the hallway toward my room. I can hear him talking to someone in the kitchen and all I want is to get this costume on and go wait by the curb. Oh, no. What if Thornton gets here early and knocks on the door?
And has to sit with my family.
I text Lynn, Hugo, and Reuben to let them know that the three Bloom kids will be joining us tonight. Hugo and Reuben reply with a tidal wave of questions: Are they attending ironically? Will they be on their phones the whole time? Will they be in costume? Were they even born in the ’80s? Will they make me feel old? And then just a string of old man emojis.
Lynn replies with a simple and unpunctuated, “can’t wait to meet them.” Then I proceed to spend the remainder of the time I’m getting ready spinning Lynn’s one text into an entire indictment of my life choices. She probably thinks I’m inviting these three twentysomethings because my fragile ego needs a malleable set of child-friends to revere me as a wise sage. All Lynn asked was that I have the courage to connect and love my peers in an authentic way and in response I dove into the shallow, millennial-infested end of the pool. She probably doesn’t have the heart to tell me that I’m a silly coward who refuses to dig deeper into my own consciousness and will continue to remove myself from any and all adult relationships that challenge me.
Now in a full panic, I pull on my black Converse, grab my black scarf and gray sling bag, and run out into the kitchen.
“Who are you supposed to be?” Billy asks, holding up Poppy while Dad wipes whatever blended food was not to her liking off her entire body. “Don’t tell Mom or Anne anything you’re seeing, by the way.”
“I’m Allison Reynolds from The Breakfast Club.” They both look confused. I turn to Billy and speak sibling. I act out everything I’m saying. “The basketcase? From that ’80s John Hughes movie with the dancing and the pot and the running through the empty school?” I bend over, let my head fall, and tousle and shake my hair. It dawns on me that all of the basket case’s clothes were essentially already in my closet. The old black cardigan, the skirt, and the black Converse. This isn’t so much a costume as just another comfy work outfit for me.
“Ohhhhhh. That’s a bit on the nose, isn’t it?” Billy asks, peppering Poppy’s belly with raspberries. Poppy lunges over to Dad and he scoops her up and flies her around the kitchen.
“Where are Mom and Anne?” I ask.
“Seeing a movie with Sylvia,” Billy says.
“Oh, you’ll never believe it. Apparently, Sylvia and Greg are getting a divorce,” Dad says. I immediately look over at Billy. He just rolls his eyes.
“Did they give a reason?” I ask, tying the black scarf loose around my neck.
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Dark Humor | Humorous |
Satire |
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